Awkward Saints

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Source URL: http://www.reignministries.co.uk/blog/featured/open-doors-sharing-the-gospel-by-opening-your-home-to-teenagers

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Archive Datetime: 2010-01-27T07:58:00

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Open Doors: Sharing the gospel by opening your home to teenagers

WednesdayDec 2, 2009 by Joy Stevens

Joy StevensJoy Stevens 10 tips for an open-door policy

Sharing your home with teenagers can bring them miles closer to the truth of the gospel. But opening the doors of your home to young people may seem overwhelming. If you are interested in showing the gospel by sharing your home here are ten tips to get started.

1. Tell them they are welcome anytime, every time

We often say, “You know you are welcome any time. Just stop by, and if we can, we will have you in.”

2. Share you hobbies

I regularly host hobby-nights where I inform the teens that I am going to be working on my scrapbook and they are invited to come along and bring whatever hobby or homework they have. I resist the urge to bake all day. If I set the standard for myself that this is big party I’m not as likely to repeat it on a regular basis.

3. Your children do not have to be perfect

Mine certainly are not. Recently two teenage boys dropped by. My husband was busy and unable to stop what he was doing, but I made them some coffee and settled in for a chat. Both of these boys come from single-parent families, and one of them was telling me about some of his memories of his parents’ divorce. In the middle of our chat, one of my daughters began to have a tantrum, and I had to pause to deal with her. I know the boys were doing their best not to giggle on the couch, and when I returned Will said, “You’re so patient!” Just from sharing that episode with them I earned the right to give them some tips on love, marriage and child-rearing.

4. Say no when you should

The teens that are a regular part of our family life know that there are times when they cannot be at our house. We have other plans or something unexpected comes up. Rather than having them over out of guilt, we are upfront. They understand this.

5. Invite them to interact with your children

Have a selection of games that your children can sit at the kitchen table and play with teenagers who stop by. Ask them to help with homework. You do not need to stop all that you are doing to have a heart-to-heart chat. The teens can give to the family as well by spending some time doing what your children are interested in.

6. Do not be afraid to tell the teens it’s time to go

Most of the teens we work with would stay for hours if we did not create specific boundaries.

7. Resist the urge to make things fancy

Simply invite teens to join you in whatever you are doing. Do not just invite them in for special events but for the everyday routine activities.

8. Do not put off the things you need to accomplish

If they knock on Saturday morning and you had planned to rake the garden, invite them to join you. Some of the best spiritual conversations I have had came while I was stuck into a task with a young person.

9. Put cleaning into perspective

You do not need to have a perfectly clean house to open it up to the lives of young people. If I waited until everything was tidy to share my home with young people, it would never happen.

10. Push yourself to have direct spiritual input sometimes

Get out your guitar and play the latest worship music, pray for them before they leave, or ask them what they need God to help them with that day. Do not worry if it seems awkward at first. It is your home and you determine the culture and spiritual climate.

Our journey of opening the doors of our home

I have heard it said that in post-Christian Europe, there is no residue of the Jesus story. Teenagers here are already several generations removed from Christianity. Oh sure, they learn about Christianity in their religious education classes, but that does nothing to form their hearts toward God. In fact it has the opposite effect of putting information about Jesus Christ and his Church on the same par as sitting through a history lecture or a field trip to a museum. To young eyes history and museums have no relevance to daily life and unfortunately, in the post-Christian culture in which we find our family ministering, neither does a man called Jesus or the church that represents him.

As we struggle to learn how to reach young people in our town we have had to throw out most of the methods of evangelism which we were taught. Before we ever get to questions of how to be made right with God, we have months and even years of ground-work to lay in the area of relevance–that Jesus has a real-world, present-day connection with their lives. They can’t picture how Jesus is relevant to their lives because they do not know anyone in whom Jesus lives. In our post-Christian context we do not see people come into a relationship with God by telling them the gospel. We see people come into a relationship with God by showing them the gospel. Proclamation of the gospel is the last step in a very long journey towards Jesus. We must give them a picture of what life in Christ means and show them how the gospel has a real-world, present-day bearing on their lives.

As a family we have wrestled through our models of traditional youth ministry and the urgency we feel that we must show teens the gospel. Our journey looks something like this:

It is five o’clock in the evening and the pre-dinner race is on. The living room is strewn with after-school-snack bowls and discarded school uniforms. I am shuffling to make dinner and deny all my children’s the requests for more snacks.

When we finally sit down to dinner, the door bell rings, it is Steven, Will, and Robyn, three teenagers that are involved with our church and happen to live nearby. They stand at our door and look a little bashful, slightly lost, and very cold. They cannot actually bring themselves to ask if they can come in, but we have been through this awkward moment many times.

The house is a mess. I do not have enough dinner for them. This is supposed to be our family time, right? It seems we have every reason to explain to Steven, Will and Robyn that this isn’t a good time, but in this moment of decision we have already chosen that these three teenagers need to be a part of our family life. Some would argue they don’t deserve to come in if they don’t have enough sense not to knock at dinner time. But we are not in the business of giving people what they deserve. As Jesus’ followers we are called to radical hospitality which in which we can demonstrate the gospel of grace and God’s undeserved favour.

My husband opens the door wide and invites them all in.

We are on a journey. We are learning all the time. The lesson that seems to lift off the pages of our lives when these teens are on our doorstep is that they need to be shown the gospel by being part of our home and family life. By throwing open the doors of our home and welcoming teenagers into our family life we are able to paint the picture of the gospel that these teenagers so desperately need. Family life is the point of relevance with the teens we work. In our home each day they see successes and fall-on-your-face failures. They experience Jesus in our lives and see the real-life connection He can have with their lives.

As a full-time mom and a lover of teenagers, my home has become my mission station. Along the way I have struggled with things like a messy house, not having enough food for dinnertime drop-ins, and having enough private family time. I have wrestled with being house-proud, being selfish, feeling unappreciated, and at times just being exhausted by it all. But as the journey continues I wouldn’t go back. Jesus has transformed my outlook on my home, my purpose as a parent, and how I define my family.

Sharing the gospel by sharing your home

It is no secret that youth ministry is most effective in the context of relationships. Nor is it a secret that seeing teens make a commitment to Jesus Christ will not come as a result of a one-time presentation of the gospel. In our post-Christian world you will need to present the gospel tens and possibly hundreds of times before a teenager grasps its relevance for his or her life. Because of this, teenagers need to be a part of your family. Your home is a place in which teenagers can experience the gospel–to see its grace demonstrated in loving relationships, to feel its mercy flow between family members, to experience its forgiveness and witness lives of obedience. Teenagers need to sit around your table and listen to your children learn to pray. They need to hear to you teach your children how to respond to bullies, how to seek out those on the fringes of their friend group, and how to honour the authorities in their lives. In all these ways, and more, the gospel is being made concrete to teenagers who cannot imagine how this Jesus who lived 2000 years ago makes a difference in their lives.

Your family’s power to demonstrate the gospel does not stop with the number of spiritual conversations you are able to have with teens while they are in your home. As we navigate a course of living the gospel among a post-Christian generation of teenagers, our family has found that sharing our home has power to help teens understand how the gospel transforms their daily existence and gives purpose to their lives. I recently did a mental check of the 12 young people attending our house church. The math wasn’t hard. Eighty percent of them only have one parent involved in their lives. Most of these kids have little to no experience of the love of a father, healthy communication amongst family members, hard work or delayed gratification. Many of the kids we work with were basically left to their own devices by the age of 14. As a result, many are malnourished, not because of lack of food, but from lack of diet. They survive on chips, beans, and convenience food. Most are struggling with school and want only to be free of its burdens. They struggle without anyone to help them see the future benefits of continuing education or develop skills that would make them viable employees.

Teenagers need to be a part of your home. They need to see fathers speaking tenderly to children. They need to see children taking roles of responsibility and being helpful to the family. They need to see your family make choices to serve your neighbours, save money, laugh together, play games, and prefer one another in love. They need to see parents discipline their children in love, control their temper, and resolve conflict in ways that form a child’s heart for the gospel. The teenagers who come to our home regularly comment on how we handle our children with patience and self-control. They even need to see us mess up sometimes (and we do) and mishandle situations or become angry. When we return to them and admit we are much less than perfect, the need for the gospel is vividly demonstrated. Even when your family is imperfect, the teens you are ministering to need to be apart of it.

Opening your home is a risk. Welcoming strangers (and teenagers can be strange sometimes) goes against your urges to protect, shelter, and make your home an oasis from the world. If you follow Jesus in His example of radical hospitality, your family may have to make different choices than those in your community or even your church. As the image of the living God, Jesus revealed the Father’s passion for welcoming those on the fringes of society. As you seek to know Jesus and make him known, don’t overlook the power of inviting teens to be involved in the life of your family. It is there they can see the gospel come to life as its message of grace and mercy penetrates the hearts of those who pass through your doors. The tips above can help you get started.

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